Welcome Dear Readers,
We need the right boundaries and foundation to survive this world. A healthy life built on God's word.Setting healthy boundaries can sometimes be very difficult to define. Trust me, Extremely difficult because you look at how the other partner is going to feel about whatever boundary you are coming up with. But unfortunately a marriage without boundaries is headed for doom.
We encounter boundaries in our daily lives; the traffic light, the stop signs, medicine dosage, sports rules, work expectations, the ten commandments on and on and on it goes.
Boundaries are good for our marriages because they assure us of how to stay safe and healthy in different situations. It protects the marriage and makes the marriage strong. Boundaries can be spoken or unspoken. As a couple,we must establish boundaries to protect the integrity of our marriage . It is important that a couple is on the same page when it comes to boundaries.
So what boundaries do we set in our marriages? Its totally up to a couple to decide what they call ''out of bounds.''
But I am going to state some examples I consider very important and should be considered by you too.
1) Keeping secrets from one another
Unless we are planning a surprise party for our partner, we have no business keeping anything from them. Secrets hinder the ability to share intimacy to the maximum. Consider each secret to be a brick that we are adding to, ''wall of secrets'' between us and our partners. There should be no secret money, friends, texts, emails, letters, jobs, purchase, phone calls, phones, social media exchanges, social media accounts, health issues, trips, outings, lunches, dinners etc. As a couple, we long to fully KNOW and BE KNOWN by one another. That longing is not fulfilled if we keep secrets from one another. Let us also be practical, signals and signs will betray you if you are keeping secrets, thus it gives room for suspicions and the devil takes advantage of that to bring dispute among couples.
2) Flirting with anyone apart from your spouse
I believe social media is a good platform to propagate the Gospel and goodwill to others across the world. This same social media is now a big part of marriages falling apart because couples have issues of a partner using these platforms to flirt with an unknown person. Flirting is a pathway to adultery. We can lie to ourselves that we would not meet those people face to face or we are just being friendly with them... But honestly, flirting is just a selfish boost to our own ego, a HUGE step towards committing adultery. We flirt by giving an exaggerated compliment, or a funny text or exchanging sexually-charged phone calls. The Bible tells us, out of the fondness of the heart, the lips speak. Also even if you think in your heart that a person is sexually appealing, you have already committed adultery. Any flirtations outside our marriages lead to a broken home. Simple as that. Your spouse is the only legitimate recipient of your romantic and flirtatious attention. Don't stop flirting with your spouse. Ways of flirting with your spouse are many and will be discussed on this blog later.
3) Giving more attention to your technology than to your partner.
Again, in this age, technology plays an important role in our lives. But I have decided I don't use it if its going to affect my marriage or children. After work, I make phone calls that are extremely necessary together with my husband. It is so easy for me to give up social media if that's what is going to make my husband happy. I choose to put all technology away when it is family time. And I feel so guilty when I have to even reply to a work text when my husband is lying beside me in bed. I feel my attention should be given to him at that time. There is a trend one popular Ghanaian artiste, Okyeame Kwame, started which I loved and still love... #Dumfonno (literary means put off the phone). When you are with your spouse, you need to give them your full attention. Put down that phone, Get off that computer, Get off that video game, trust me, your spouse is more interesting. Don't let those moments go to waste. Let us invest more time in our marriage than on social media.
4) Speaking unkindly or shouting at one another.
I used to be super guilty of this. Anytime we had a disagreement, I would bottle all the hurt inside. Then when it was time to talk, I would be too angry to listen. I would scream and shout and say many unkind words to my husband. This attitude only pushes your spouse away from you. They lose confidence in your reactions and that sometimes makes it difficult for them to be honest with you. When disagreements arise, talk through it calmly. It takes a bit of conscious practice, but you will get there. Bad words can really hurt. So be careful how you talk to your partner.
5) Speaking negatively about your spouse to other people OR Allowing other people to speak negatively about your spouse.
Another one I am guilty of, (I have learnt my lessons for sure). If there is an issue between a couple, it should be solved immediately and directly between you two. Nothing good comes out of ranting to other people. I would also encourage that both parties actually talk about the issue because when a partner feels like an issue needs to be addressed but this need is not being satisfied, that is when ranting to other people satisfies that. This does not also mean you cannot have people in your lives that you can talk to about your marriage. Be wise in this decision. Family members mostly get sentimental when you rant to them. Marriage is difficult enough without family drama, save yourself from it.
Again, you do not allow other people to talk negative about your spouse: instead, show your spouse off to the world. And tell anyone who tries to talk about your spouse negatively to not do that. Period!
6) Physical abuse
Abuse of any kind should not be entertained. I will only state here that if you are suffering this in your marriage or relationship, please talk to the police about it or to someone to trust. You need help and so does your partner.
After our two challenges, this week we are looking at putting down our phones. Join me on a social media fast. This does not include e-library. Even that I think we can still print out what we need to read. This is not a zero% technology week (You need to read this obviously on a gadget!). It is when you and your partner come together, then there is no technology. We will call it, Dumfonno challenge.(put off the phone challenge)
We need the right boundaries and foundation to survive this world. A healthy life built on God's word.Setting healthy boundaries can sometimes be very difficult to define. Trust me, Extremely difficult because you look at how the other partner is going to feel about whatever boundary you are coming up with. But unfortunately a marriage without boundaries is headed for doom.
We encounter boundaries in our daily lives; the traffic light, the stop signs, medicine dosage, sports rules, work expectations, the ten commandments on and on and on it goes.
Boundaries are good for our marriages because they assure us of how to stay safe and healthy in different situations. It protects the marriage and makes the marriage strong. Boundaries can be spoken or unspoken. As a couple,we must establish boundaries to protect the integrity of our marriage . It is important that a couple is on the same page when it comes to boundaries.
So what boundaries do we set in our marriages? Its totally up to a couple to decide what they call ''out of bounds.''
But I am going to state some examples I consider very important and should be considered by you too.
1) Keeping secrets from one another
Unless we are planning a surprise party for our partner, we have no business keeping anything from them. Secrets hinder the ability to share intimacy to the maximum. Consider each secret to be a brick that we are adding to, ''wall of secrets'' between us and our partners. There should be no secret money, friends, texts, emails, letters, jobs, purchase, phone calls, phones, social media exchanges, social media accounts, health issues, trips, outings, lunches, dinners etc. As a couple, we long to fully KNOW and BE KNOWN by one another. That longing is not fulfilled if we keep secrets from one another. Let us also be practical, signals and signs will betray you if you are keeping secrets, thus it gives room for suspicions and the devil takes advantage of that to bring dispute among couples.
2) Flirting with anyone apart from your spouse
I believe social media is a good platform to propagate the Gospel and goodwill to others across the world. This same social media is now a big part of marriages falling apart because couples have issues of a partner using these platforms to flirt with an unknown person. Flirting is a pathway to adultery. We can lie to ourselves that we would not meet those people face to face or we are just being friendly with them... But honestly, flirting is just a selfish boost to our own ego, a HUGE step towards committing adultery. We flirt by giving an exaggerated compliment, or a funny text or exchanging sexually-charged phone calls. The Bible tells us, out of the fondness of the heart, the lips speak. Also even if you think in your heart that a person is sexually appealing, you have already committed adultery. Any flirtations outside our marriages lead to a broken home. Simple as that. Your spouse is the only legitimate recipient of your romantic and flirtatious attention. Don't stop flirting with your spouse. Ways of flirting with your spouse are many and will be discussed on this blog later.
3) Giving more attention to your technology than to your partner.
Again, in this age, technology plays an important role in our lives. But I have decided I don't use it if its going to affect my marriage or children. After work, I make phone calls that are extremely necessary together with my husband. It is so easy for me to give up social media if that's what is going to make my husband happy. I choose to put all technology away when it is family time. And I feel so guilty when I have to even reply to a work text when my husband is lying beside me in bed. I feel my attention should be given to him at that time. There is a trend one popular Ghanaian artiste, Okyeame Kwame, started which I loved and still love... #Dumfonno (literary means put off the phone). When you are with your spouse, you need to give them your full attention. Put down that phone, Get off that computer, Get off that video game, trust me, your spouse is more interesting. Don't let those moments go to waste. Let us invest more time in our marriage than on social media.
4) Speaking unkindly or shouting at one another.
I used to be super guilty of this. Anytime we had a disagreement, I would bottle all the hurt inside. Then when it was time to talk, I would be too angry to listen. I would scream and shout and say many unkind words to my husband. This attitude only pushes your spouse away from you. They lose confidence in your reactions and that sometimes makes it difficult for them to be honest with you. When disagreements arise, talk through it calmly. It takes a bit of conscious practice, but you will get there. Bad words can really hurt. So be careful how you talk to your partner.
5) Speaking negatively about your spouse to other people OR Allowing other people to speak negatively about your spouse.
Another one I am guilty of, (I have learnt my lessons for sure). If there is an issue between a couple, it should be solved immediately and directly between you two. Nothing good comes out of ranting to other people. I would also encourage that both parties actually talk about the issue because when a partner feels like an issue needs to be addressed but this need is not being satisfied, that is when ranting to other people satisfies that. This does not also mean you cannot have people in your lives that you can talk to about your marriage. Be wise in this decision. Family members mostly get sentimental when you rant to them. Marriage is difficult enough without family drama, save yourself from it.
Again, you do not allow other people to talk negative about your spouse: instead, show your spouse off to the world. And tell anyone who tries to talk about your spouse negatively to not do that. Period!
6) Physical abuse
Abuse of any kind should not be entertained. I will only state here that if you are suffering this in your marriage or relationship, please talk to the police about it or to someone to trust. You need help and so does your partner.
After our two challenges, this week we are looking at putting down our phones. Join me on a social media fast. This does not include e-library. Even that I think we can still print out what we need to read. This is not a zero% technology week (You need to read this obviously on a gadget!). It is when you and your partner come together, then there is no technology. We will call it, Dumfonno challenge.(put off the phone challenge)
Matthew 7: 24-25
“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock''.
#fixit
Save that marriage
couples for Christ(CFC)
Written by Rev. Mrs Caroline Dzifa Fumey
#fixit
Save that marriage
couples for Christ(CFC)
Written by Rev. Mrs Caroline Dzifa Fumey
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